Pushy Parent? Learning from a mother with a sick daughter

Sunday 16th August 2026 | Eleventh Sunday after Trinity (with baptism) Sermon by Dean Anthony

So what is a Pushy Parent?  I hasten to add I am not directing this question at Simon and Louise, as they bring Fred to be baptized this morning!  Rather I am thinking of the Canaanite woman who will not take no for an answer in today’s Gospel reading. She accosts Jesus and his disciples, uninvited, to their irritation, with shouting and persistence.   Jesus of all people puts her off and indeed insults her, but she pushes back - and in the end he is persuaded to change his mind in the most dramatic of ways.

A classic pushy parent does indeed shout, often from the touchline of a sporting event.  A sports psychologist urges self-reflection: are you the loudest parent at games?  Does your child avoid eye contact during play?   Do other parents choose not to stand near you?   And even if it is not about sport, with such parenting there is excessive pressure on the child to achieve, often related to the parents’ own unfulfilled ambitions.   One of the unfortunate consequences of this is that love and praise become conditional, tied to the child achieving top grades and always being on the winning side.

To be fair to the Canaanite woman, she is shouting because her child is in urgent need of healing.  In the New Testament world, being ‘tormented by a demon’ refers to severe physical, mental or spiritual suffering.   In this case we do not have the detail, but the woman’s daughter is clearly desperately unwell, and the mother is understandably desperate.  So she turns to a roving Jewish preacher and teacher named Jesus.   He is a foreigner to her, and she to him.  But somehow she has come to see that he is the one who can help her daughter.

We are so used to the idea that the fullness of life found in Jesus Christ is for absolutely everyone, of whatever race or language, that it is easy to forget that nearly all the people we hear about in the Gospels are Jewish.  In Matthew’s Gospel, listing the exceptions is quickly done. In Chapter Two we hear about the visit of the Magi to the infant Jesus, travelling from eastern lands.   In Chapter Eight, a Roman centurion appeals to the grown up Jesus about a servant of his who is paralysed.  That’s it, until this Canaanite woman storms into Chapter Fifteen with her noisy persistence.

At first Jesus does not respond; the only occasion in the whole Gospel where he initially ignores a person in need who approaches him.   He then tells the woman that she is not part of the people of Israel, who are his first priority.   She is not put off, but kneels before him, calling him ‘Lord’, adding just two powerful words: ‘Help me’.   Still Jesus resists, insulting her in the process: ‘It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.’   In this context, the children are the children of Israel, and the dogs are the Gentiles.

The mother’s response is both witty and profound: ‘Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.’   She is challenging Jesus to extend the horisons of his ministry, which he immediately does, commending her for her faith.

And so he should, for in all that she has done, this ‘pushy parent’ is putting into practice some of Jesus’s own teaching, and arguably doing so rather better than his own followers.  For example, earlier in Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus teaches his disciples to be persistent and to endure in the face of rejection.   He encourages them to absorb putdowns rather than immediately add insult to injury, and to give their lives in service to even the lowliest child.   Often Jesus’s followers have been slow to understand, but here this foreign woman is doing exactly as Jesus has taught, with unflagging faith. 

No wonder then, that Jesus is moved to change his mind, and offer healing to the Canaanite woman’s daughter.

Matthew’s Gospel was written for a community of Jewish Christians, who have been on their own journey in relation to Gentiles.   They have moved from silent separation from foreigners, through conflictual encounters with them, to embracing an active intention to welcome and include.  The issues of identity, inclusion and diversity were not so far away from the questions many in our society today are wrestling with.

Right at the end of Matthew’s Gospel, we can see the position they arrived at, as Jesus offers what is often called the Great Commission: ‘Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.’  The healing and good news of Jesus is open to every person on this planet.

Which brings us nicely to today, as Fred’s parents and godparents bring him for baptism.   Like the Canaanite woman, they want the best for their child, and they recognize the importance of bringing him into the flourishing life of Jesus Christ.   ‘ Simon and Louise, Fred’s Mum and Dad, have invited others to be ‘God parents’, to widen the circle of those supporting Fred as he grows and develops.  And more even than this, today Fred is baptised, exactly as the Great Commission describes it, ‘in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit’.   Fred is named as a child of God himself, the Creator of the Universe, the one in and through whom all exist.  Here is the ultimate ‘pushy parent’ to have on your side!

Except that God will never shout.  And God’s love is absolutely unconditional, not remotely depending on achievement and success.   God will, however, rejoice to see Fred discovering his own unique identity, talents and temperament, and the vital role being part of a community of faith can play in this.

God wants for Fred what God wants for all us: to live flourishing lives, both in relation to our immediate families and friends, but also in relation to the wider world. 

My children are a little older than Fred, and just eight days ago the youngest was married here.  In my address, I said to him and his new wife that marriage has both a private dimension and a public face.  I also said that marriage is not the end point or moment of arrival, but the beginning of the adventure.

Both of these points apply equally to baptism.  We live in a world that is frequently divided and argumentative, where those who are different get called ‘dogs’ and a lot worse.  Part of the adventure of baptism is to contribute in building a brighter, more united future, not only for our nearest and dearest, but for everyone, continually extending the horizons of our love.  With God our Heavenly Father supporting us and cheering us on, whatever life may bring, for as Matthew’s Gospel ends by saying, He is with us always, to the end of the age, AMEN.